Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
