I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
