Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
