Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
