just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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