I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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