i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
