Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just pee around me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
