no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
