so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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