I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
