connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
