i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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