1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
even my farts smell like vagina
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
