I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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