I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
