it hurts more in the daytime
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
