i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
