You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
