Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
