I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
