The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
