what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
