I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
