I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
