What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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