I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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