I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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