no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
