She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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