i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He did a backflip because drugs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
