I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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