If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
