I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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