I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
