its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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