dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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