recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
