I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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