No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
