I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
