Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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