Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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