Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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