clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
