ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
