You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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