come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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