your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
