I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
