she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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