Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
