I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
