I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
