just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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