remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
