No, drunk sperm still make babies.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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