i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize