Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
