Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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