if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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