I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
