i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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