I just pynch a tree in the face
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
