I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
