youre lurking in front of me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
