omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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