Apparently you make a good broom.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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