I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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