party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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