Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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