Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
